From a young age we were taught not to acknowledge ourselves. I don’t think it was done in a bad way, but it was there nevertheless. We were an extremely religious family and we were meant to be humble and not draw attention to ourselves – I think it ties in with not encouraging Vanity and Egoism – the Devil’s work so to speak. So I can honestly say I would never have been called the Fabulous Katia!
Thinking about it I think the result is that I have never recognised anything I did. If I did do something well, that was okay, but I was never really good enough. And although my Epiphany in my last post still stands, in my heart of hearts I still don’t think I’m good enough. There are so many reasons why, that they seem to be so much stronger and make so much more sense than is possible.
I’m still falling behind with my MKMMA course, with my reads and sits, with my blogs, plus my work is not moving at all and there is a lot that I’m not handling in my life at the moment, all of this is building and building plus the stuff I tucked away into very neat tiny boxes that are opening and opening because I decided that this course would be good for me….. What was I thinking???
I think I should have a time-out, but at the same time how convenient!! Am I playing the victim A-GAIN??