I missed last week’s post:(
I had an Epiphany!
I’ve lived most of my life by this thought – I can’t do anything!
Everyone else did things, my cousins, my sisters, but I didn’t. I took all those feelings – hurt, disappointment, inadequacy, patheticness (is that a word) and those ‘you can’t do anything’ looks and buried them deep inside as well as those flashes of brilliancy I had, because of course, they must have been ‘vloek’ (luck). Those feelings were hidden far away and forgotten about. As a result I have lived my life a certain way, keeping under the radar not attracting any attention, just living in fear. I eventually forgot the reason why I was living this way, because it became the way I lived. (a different Epiphany I realised whilst writing this post!)
So I was comfortable at home trying to build my network marketing business, but wasn’t getting far. My husband suggested I join a networking group. I joined two (feelings still forgotten). The goal was to meet new people as potential customers and to help promote my business, but what actually happened was I was ‘waking up’.
By forcing myself to go to these meetings twice a month I was moving out of my comfort zone and doing something entirely scary and uncomfortable. I was scared to meet new people, my hands used to shake, my ears went red and my mouth trembled. Nine times out of 10 I had to go into the bathroom and have a ‘moment’ or else I would burst into tears. But I walked in and said ‘Hi’ and moved around like I wasn’t new to it. (a link to my Epiphany)
Then I was voted onto the committee in 2014 I didn’t mean to be, I only put my hand up because I wanted to help. I was sure they wouldn’t say Yes and that if they did I would just be a helper on the committee and not Katia a Committee Member.
At the first meeting I was told that I would be the Guest Speaker Co-Ordinator, this meant that I would introduce the speaker. I said yes, because I was still trying to ‘do this’. I didn’t say that I wasn’t able to speak to nearly 100 women, that, who would want to listen to me speaking, that, there were better ladies to do it. I said yes because I was helping, sure that any moment she would retract her request. I did get up to speak, but that was only because I was supposed to and not because I could. I got up to speak 11 times that year. In all that time I was dead sure that someone was going to realise that I was faking it.
Then last year I was voted in again for 2015 and 2016, as Vice Chairman, and I agreed, because I was still trying to help and to ‘do this’.
I watched the clip by Amy Cuddy, Fake it till you Believe It! – http://go.ted.com/CssR and thought it was brilliant (no Epiphany yet)! It was so interesting that I related it to the girls at our committee meeting. We had a good laugh imagining ourselves in the bathroom standing in the cubicle like Wonder Women for 2 minutes.
Here comes the Epiphany…. For our April meeting our guest speaker is a Psychologist and she’s going to talk to us about empowering ourselves, so the girls suggested to me that I should give a 5 minute talk on the above – and I turned around and said “I don’t do that“. And that’s when it hit me, but I do. I have been, in fact, for the last two years! I am that girl that can give a 5 minute talk, that welcomes everyone to the meeting, that steps in to introduce the guest speaker, that is comfortable to sit at any table in the room and easily make conversation! I forgot to remind myself that I couldn’t do it – I was doing it, I had Faked it till I Believed it! When did I forget that I couldn’t do it – fascinating.
It hit me so hard that I lost my breath. The girls just stared at me like – ‘you’re joking right?’ and in one motion there was a lot of talk and my name was put down and they had moved on to the next item.
I realise that there are so many lessons here that tie in with what the MKMMA teaches us. So many things that I have benefitted by from doing the course.
If you just forget all the negative the positive just flows naturally through.
Thank you, again, Mark, Davene and the team. Awesome, awesome Course!